I came home from Nicole and Michael's doctor appointment laughing inside. So, you might ask, what is so funny about corralling the energy of a 5, 3 and 1 year old through checkups and 5 shots? Well, let's start at the beginning and maybe as you imagine this visit you can giggle along.
I shepherd the kids out of the rain and into the office and while they run all directions for toys and get the development forms. I sit and begin asking the kids the different questions for kids on their form like ask them their name "Michael anco" and Nicole what city do you live in (she answers with our street name). And actions like telling Michael to stand on one foot, which is apparently impossible to do while standing still, he must be hopping and moving (his life story actually). The best was when I had to have Michael label body parts and I asked him where his tummy was and he pointed to his bum. Guess I gotta work on that one! And when I get to the normal questions I tune them out for 20 seconds only to discover Michael and Jacob have pulled chairs over to the drinking fountain and now Jacob is soaked in cold water. So I go over and have them put the chairs all the way back on the opposite side of the room. After repeating this process 3 times, I stack the children's chairs and block them from my relentless children (no use putting them in time-out now because then what can I use later?) But the staff love my kids and give them all handfuls of stickers and even take Jacob in the back for a while he flirts shamelessly and comes back all smiles. Finally, we're called back. Unfortunately, the older kids are too big to be measured easily so it's off with the shoes, balancing Jacob who strains to be set free (while I try not to pull the stitches in my shoulder) while taking Michael's shoes off. Nicole, sweet obedient girl, gets weight and height quickly. Michael steps up to the weight machine and pushes some buttons and messes up the machine so efficiently that we need to travel to the other side of the offices to use a different machine. His normally-wiggly feet have a hard time moving when the nurse tries to get him to back his feet up in place for his height and he almost tips the whole thing over (But instead falls down and tips over himself and the nurse). Next stop, vision and hearing. Nicole asks so many questions about the equipment, the possibility of shots, including after answering the nurse's routine vision questions of "what do you see here" with all the right answers, when she gets to a really small picture asks the nurse instead "what is it?" That gets a little laugh out of a passing doctor. Especially watching me in the hallway trying to get Michael to stand still on the blue square and Jacob to be still (his current disposition is leaning towards that of his brother- endless wiggles (my brothers Josh or Caleb could sympathize- or wait, maybe it's Mom who could). Michael's turn at the vision and hearing is comical, especially since he is so curious about everything in the room besides what the nurse is trying to get him to identify. Finally she gets him to look! He gets one right, then doesn't recognize the other so just repeats everything she says. Michael says something about "in the sky" and the nurse says "yes, what is it up there?" and he says "up there!" And she replies "what's up in the sky?" and he says "in the sky!" Clearly, that conversation is not going anywhere. We eventually make it to the exam room where I am questioned on everything from eating habits (no veggies unless corn counts. Of course, the doctor tells me later that just like the tomatoes I tried passing off as veggies last time, corn is not a veggie and actually counts as a grain. Can't say I didn't try) to sleeping habits (all through the night, but does the lock on Michael's door make that count? didn't ask.) During this questioning, Jacob's opening their cupboards, Michael's spinning in the doctor chair, and Nicole keeps asking if she's getting a shot, reading aloud the notes on the electronic records the nurse is inputting and finally deciding that hiding under the table is most secure. When the nurse leaves, Nicole dresses in the paper robe. Since it's all new, I pretend she has to not move or it might rip and I sit her on the table. And it worked, hehe! Michael, happy to be in just underwear, starts to up the energy and run in circles. Fortunately, the doctor comes right in. I let the boys have my purse which is quickly emptied so I can focus on Nicole who is healthy, tall as ever, and only slightly shy as she tells the doctor all about her exercise and how she does flips in gymnastics (really?) and how she wears a helmet on her bike. So eager to please, she even tells the dr. that she wears a helmet in the car. (really??) Jacob offers the dr some of my credit cards, which he politely declines, during this and finally it's Michael's turn. The dr. just holds him at first, commenting that he has "muscle on muscle." Seriously, Michael is buff. Like a steel 3 yr old. Michael is a good boy and obeys the doctor but has a hard time sitting still- understatement. Trying to show me that a dot on Michael's nose is just some thing that will go away, the doctor tries getting Michael to keep his head still, but that is just kind of literally impossible. Plus, Michael bashed his face on the counter before coming- like 20 minutes before- and his nose and under his eyes have this nice red line/scrape that makes it tough for anyone to touch his face. Of course, right? Well, we get through it all just fine with a lot fewer noise escalations than usual. Still plenty, though, and my conversation with the doctor includes a few sentences interspersed with "don't touch that" "get off that" "put it back" and "close that trash can". During this entire time, whenever Jacob wants my attention (every 20-30 seconds) he goes to the cabinets under the sink and bangs them loudly open and shut. It works and he gets my attention :-) Now the time we've all been waiting for- shots! Nicole keeps asking me about them as the dr leaves, but I just tell her the nurses will take care of us (don't want her to anticipate this too much) but my stalling doesn't work because by the time the nurses get in, all three kids- even Jacob who got away shot-free this time- are hiding under the table. I try to bribe "Nicole I'll make some pudding for you" which worked when we were driving there but now she tells me she doesn't want pudding. Finally, she says, "let me come out myself". So I back up and my independent sweetheart bravely comes out and I lift her on the table. The nurses are smart and each take and arm to give two shots at once while I hold Nicole's hands. And believe it or not, while Nicole is given four shots all she does is giggle hysterically. This is her way of coping these days (she did the same thing during her first drive through car wash a few weeks ago). And then when she finally got all the bandaids she cried for a minute and then decided she'd better cover her ears as she sees me put Michael in my lap. Michael only gets one shot and the nurse underestimates his muscle. I pin him against me and hold his arms. All he says is "shot? hurt?" and then when he gets his shot he jerks his shoulder so now he's got a nice blob of blood. But the bandaid goes on and he's okay after a few hugs. The nurse leaves and I get ready to go. But my purse is gone. Completely missing. After having it stolen a few months back and having to do the whole cancel/reorder everything deal, I'm not too keen on a repeat. Finally Michael shows me where they hid my purse under the sink in a cabinet. Really? Ah the little sweethearts just love me! :-) So we exit and head to the checkout and while I pay for the torture the kids each get a lollipop. Jacob does his version of a dance (kind of like fast marching in place ) because he's so excited and can't wait for his. And finally, finally an hour and a half after arriving we drive home. I really have the best kids. I can't explain it all, and how hilarious they are and the look on the doctor's face when he tried to say nicely how much energy the kids have and how busy our home must be. But I hope you enjoyed that lengthy little peek into one of our doctor's visits.
